I've seen, many times, when mothers (maybe some dads too, but mostly I notice this in moms) are around another new baby, it's always, "Oh I remember this!" Or "I miss this..." I just didn't think something similar would happen to me.
It's such a great and rewarding experience to see your child grow, and develop, and change before your eyes. Her personality coming through, her increased response to you and things around her are just amazing. So why in less than a year's time do I find myself pining for small babies when I see them on the street, or the train. Or when a picture of K from the first few months pops up on the computer, I get that pang of longing... longing for what though, I can't exactly say.
Do I want another little baby already? My wife and aren't sure at this point if we even want another child. I mean, we lightheartedly discuss it sometimes as we lie semi-comatose across from one another on the couch at the end of another exhausting, yet all too normal day. But at this point I can't even realistically imagine such a thing. Or is that I just want my current little nugget to shrink back down to when things were simpler? To relive the innocence? Of course there's a part of me that misses that time, but really I wouldn't want to trade the stage we are at with her now for anything. Ask me again when she's thirteen.
So what is it about seeing a tiny baby that gives me that ache? Probably the fact that it's not my baby. The fact that I can be free to look, maybe even cradle him/her in my arms, without having to give the whole of myself to this little being. It's the fantasy of having another baby- all the coos and tiny appendages- without the reality- the middle of the night feedings, etc. So until that time comes, when reality sets in (or doesn't)- I'll just be the baby gawker. Living vicariously through other parents' and their teeny tinies, while enjoying my ever-growing one.
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