Some thoughts on the Gym

First of all, I went to the gym last night and was not struck by lightning as I walked through the doors, so score one for me.

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Now when I am at the gym I try to remain focused on my work out, and what I am there to do- but some people just bug the hell out of me. Like the guy next to me on the elliptical trainer who keeps getting off every 3 minutes to answer his cell phone. Or the guy who stays on, but just keeps talking on his cell anyway. Who are you talking to that is okay with that?? And like the girl who is chugging along at a snail's pace, out-paced by the speed in which she is flipping the channels on the in-machine TV. Couldn't you just do that at home?

I know everybody's gotta workout at their own pace, but when your flapping mouth or flipping fingers are getting more of a workout than your cardio-vascular system - I think it's time to decide whether or not we need to retain this gym membership. Consider yourself judged by self-professed lazy ass.

And please tell me why only the rankest, most foul smelling people are the ones working out in sleeveless T's or tank tops. There's a guy in particular who will come up the stretching area, and within minutes has permeated the entire room with his stink. I know you're working out and all dude, but a little pre-workout deodorant goes a long way.

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Acute exercise-mimmick paranoia. I've got it.

You know when you're doing a stretch, or a specific exercise and you look over and the guy or girl next to you is doing the same one? I immediately go to the place where they're thinking Geez, can't this guy think of his own stretches to do?? And it's all I can do to keep myself from saying, "Um, I was doing this first," or "I didn't even see you doing that!" But I don't, because I am not THAT crazy- and for all I know they're thinking the same thing as me!! ...okay, probably not.

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Speaking of crazy, I have created an alternate universe for myself that kepes me entertained while I am at the gym. I have developed personas for the people I see at the gym. They might be celebrity look-a-likes, or people that look like ugly or chubby relatives of people I know. I'll be plugging away at my cardio, and then, "Hey it's Andrew's ugly brother," or "There's Michael C. Hall," and they're never the wiser. I wonder who I am in their alternate universes? Somebody back me up on this one...