Standoff on a Friday evening..

I am not usually that guy. The guy who's got an appendage of some sort stuck in door of the subway as it closes, holding up the train from moving. But it's Friday night and I just really wanted to get home.

As I came down the stairs tonight at the 50th Street Station there was the 1 train... Yes! Quickly maneuvered through the turnstile, got up to the the platform edge, one foot in the doorway... and despite the efforts of a woman who was on the train to help keep the door open for me-- swoosh- the doors shut on my foot. Generally speaking, the conductor will just open the door back up and you can hop right in... not this woman, not tonight. May be she was on her way home too.

I peered down the length of the train, her head peaking out of the conductor's window glaring at me- although too far for words. Rather than flinging it open real quick, the doors slowly inch closer to the center of my foot... at this point I couldn't get my foot out if I wanted to... I actually tried. Not budging. I give another look down, and add kind of a mild shrug, try to win her over from fifty feet away with sheepishness... she responds by increasing the pain to my foot.. there but for the grace of rubber stoppers on the doors go I... Then in a flash the doors part a tad, and I get my foot out, and just when I think all is lost and the doors come together... they come flying all the way back open and I jump into the train! Victory.

I give everybody on the train a sort half-hearted, "Sorry," but no seems to pay me mind either way... especially since there is another woman shoving her torso through the door as it attempts to close again. The conductor lets her off far easier than me, and she gets on the train as well.

"This is not the last train," the conductor lady announces as the doors finally close peacefully, which garners chuckles from those on the train- myself included. And while that's true, we New Yorkers also know that Murphy's law more than applies when it comes to mass transit- this morning I just missed the A train on my way in to work- only to have wait another twenty minutes for another to show up.

So I will fight. While I won't ever be one of those people who throws a tantrum and kicks the train and screams bloody murder when they miss they train... if there's a chance I can make it on that train... I will do my damndednest. I will not trust announcements of "There is a train directly behind this one." I will do what I gotta do to get home. If I have to, I will be that guy.

Y2K...12.

So apparently, here we go again.

December 21, 2012:

The date marks the end of a 5,126-year cycle on the Long Count calendar developed by the Maya, the ancient civilization known for its advanced understanding of astronomy and for the great cities it left behind in Mexico and Central America.

Sigh.

This has led to growing number of books, websites, and general whack-jobbedness (yes it is a word) that the end is once again, very near (even a web page with handy countdown clock!). Doomsday part deux... or who knows what part. It seems like the signs have all aligned countless times marking the unmistakable end of our civilization.

I would just love to know what the hell these people who proclaim doomsday are doing with their lives. Going to work? Dropping off their stuff at the cleaners? Scrubbing the kitchen sink? Hell, if I really believed the world was ending in 4 years (or three and change at this point) I would be on a frickin' beach somewhere, maxing out my credit cards and thumbing my nose at any sort of rules... Not setting up websites, or writing books...

I have to wonder what these people possibly hope to achieve? If they are right, not only will no one be around for them to bask in their success- they themselves will be doing no basking. And if they're wrong...? Let's just say they might fall off a few Xmas card lists. They might have hard time getting that second book published- the one about the conspiracy theory regarding the poison gas that emits from albino hamsters, causing subordination in humans and will eventually lead to the Great Albino Hamster Empire.

Some in the Maya scholastic community brush off these folks. "The trendy doomsday people...should be treated for what they are: under-informed opportunists and alarmists who will move onto other things in 2013," said John Major Jenkins, whose books include "Galactic Alignment" and who describes himself as a self-taught independent Maya scholar.

And there are those, who are more or less giving these doomsday "prophets" what they desire, that are outraged. "There's going to be a whole generation of people who, when they think of the Maya, think of 2012, and to me that's just criminal," said David Stuart, director of the Mesoamerica Center at the University of Texas at Austin.

Easy David... down boy.

And call me uneducated- do it, I flippin' dare you- but when I think the of the Maya, I think of actress Maya Rudolph. Or the Mayan Indians... or the Cleveland Indians... wait I just lost my train of thought...

2012 or bust? Or 2012 and bust. Putting on my Nostradamus hat: Perhaps these Maya characters were thinking something along the lines of 2012 will be when we stopped doing business as usual. When peace is something that is actually achievable rather than a foolish notion. When harmony is what is encouraged, rather than hate. But I don't want to step the Doomsday-sayers' shoes... especially when they're selling those shoes online with a fancy "2012" already printed on them.

quotes taken from cnn.com.

Hardest working guy in showbiz...

Saw "The Wrestler" yesterday, and Mickey Rourke notwithstanding- the guy threw himself all over the place, and really got ripped for this part- I was reminded of just who should retain the title "Hardest Working Guy In Showbiz." (That's guy, not man, as I believe Mister James Brown cornered the market on that one a long time ago.)

It is is none other than the little film man, the mascot of AMC Movie Theatres, who I have come to learn is named "Clip."


Every show time. Every AMC Theater across the country. Introducing previews, the feature presentation, hocking concessions- the guy does it all. And all with the panache of a true showbiz professional. Throughout the years, he's gotten himself into all kinds of highjinks and wowed us wih feats of magic- I mean yesterday before the movie the guy jumped off a soda cup... not off the top of the cup, from off the cup itself. When's the last time you Tom Cruise do that?

And all he ever asks is that we enjoy the show.

So take a bow Clip- while a lifetime achievement Oscar may never come, enjoy the title of hardest working guy in in showbiz- and know you've earned it, little man.

Click here for some classic Clip in action.

Alas Oscar, I barely know thee....

Well, Oscar time is fast approaching, the noms making themselves known today... and as seems to be the case in recent years, I find myself thinking- Yes, of course that one, or Wow, they got nominated - when in true actuality, I have seen almost none of the movies and/or performances nominated in the major categories.

I have seen The Dark Knight, for which Heath Ledger received a nod for best supporting actor. That's it. That's the extent of the value of my opinion of this year's noms.

Point of reference: My 5 year old nephew has seen three nominated pictures. Okay, they're Wall-E, Kung Fu Panda, and Bolt- each nominated for animated feature- but still.

I hope to get to the movies this weekend. And apparently every weekend until Oscar night- lest I watch another Academy Awards show under false pretense, and they take away my movie watching privileges for good. And they'll do it.

Hug a squirrel

You thought inauguration day was hard to beat. Well today is Squirrel Appreciation Day. If you see a seemingly rabies-infested yet adorable over-grown rat with a fluffy tail on your way home, tell him you appreciate him.

New Year indeed...

What better day to put in my first blog post of '09? Unless you've been living under a rock, you know that today Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th President of the United States. My apologies if you do actually live under a rock- but let's face it if you do, you're probably not reading my blog, and have bigger fish to fry...

With this new year, has come new hope for all of us. A good day indeed. A happy new year. While it's foolish to think we can turn this thing around right away, let's hope 2009 brings us closer.