New Year indeed...

What better day to put in my first blog post of '09? Unless you've been living under a rock, you know that today Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th President of the United States. My apologies if you do actually live under a rock- but let's face it if you do, you're probably not reading my blog, and have bigger fish to fry...

With this new year, has come new hope for all of us. A good day indeed. A happy new year. While it's foolish to think we can turn this thing around right away, let's hope 2009 brings us closer.

When you think your job sucks...

She's dressed up like a lobster, if you can't tell. And it was cold out today. And she has to deal with smart-asses like this guy bugging her, and setting up pictures for their buddy (that's my co-worker Jose, starring as the smart-ass and helping me set up the picture).

Gotta pay the bills though, those little lobsters at home don't feed themselves, ya know... or do they? What do lobsters eat anyway...?

What was I talking about?

Signs signs, everywhere the "SIGNS"

Went to the DMV today, and posted in several places was this same sign:


What do they mean by "YOUR" ? It's as if they are daring you to complete and sign someone else's application... Psstt, hey - don't forget to complete (wink wink, nudge nudge) YOUR application (wink wink). Or are they making a distinct point, hoping to weed out any confusion of just who's application we are expected to complete? Or could be that the person who made these signs, and then posted them throughout the room has absolutely know idea when the use of quotes is called for?

I used to work with such a person, who in the same fashion would post signs throughout the office. For the cleaning crew: Please "Do Not Clean" floor. Or for the staff: Do not "Lock Door." It always left me feeling that there was some sort of code going on. Like, maybe I should excuse myself and go to the "Bathroom." (Cue: Mission Impossible theme)

Anyway, these signs I saw today at the DMV were not new looking signs. They'd been up for a while. Which means on a daily basis, people look at these signs and say to themselves, Yeah that seems right. Or maybe they don't look at them at all. Just suprises me that a municipal or state-run establishment wouldn't have some sort of system in place where things have to get approval before they post them on the wall. But having dealt with a few DMV's in my time, I don't know why I'm suprised.

Some thoughts on the Gym

First of all, I went to the gym last night and was not struck by lightning as I walked through the doors, so score one for me.

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Now when I am at the gym I try to remain focused on my work out, and what I am there to do- but some people just bug the hell out of me. Like the guy next to me on the elliptical trainer who keeps getting off every 3 minutes to answer his cell phone. Or the guy who stays on, but just keeps talking on his cell anyway. Who are you talking to that is okay with that?? And like the girl who is chugging along at a snail's pace, out-paced by the speed in which she is flipping the channels on the in-machine TV. Couldn't you just do that at home?

I know everybody's gotta workout at their own pace, but when your flapping mouth or flipping fingers are getting more of a workout than your cardio-vascular system - I think it's time to decide whether or not we need to retain this gym membership. Consider yourself judged by self-professed lazy ass.

And please tell me why only the rankest, most foul smelling people are the ones working out in sleeveless T's or tank tops. There's a guy in particular who will come up the stretching area, and within minutes has permeated the entire room with his stink. I know you're working out and all dude, but a little pre-workout deodorant goes a long way.

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Acute exercise-mimmick paranoia. I've got it.

You know when you're doing a stretch, or a specific exercise and you look over and the guy or girl next to you is doing the same one? I immediately go to the place where they're thinking Geez, can't this guy think of his own stretches to do?? And it's all I can do to keep myself from saying, "Um, I was doing this first," or "I didn't even see you doing that!" But I don't, because I am not THAT crazy- and for all I know they're thinking the same thing as me!! ...okay, probably not.

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Speaking of crazy, I have created an alternate universe for myself that kepes me entertained while I am at the gym. I have developed personas for the people I see at the gym. They might be celebrity look-a-likes, or people that look like ugly or chubby relatives of people I know. I'll be plugging away at my cardio, and then, "Hey it's Andrew's ugly brother," or "There's Michael C. Hall," and they're never the wiser. I wonder who I am in their alternate universes? Somebody back me up on this one...

Blue Letter Days

Not beat this one into the ground- but thank god that more people in this country who chose change, than than those who chose fear. That's all I'm gonna say.

Yes, there IS a Hooters in NYC...

Tucked away in a breezeway off 56th Street, on the short block between Broadway and Seventh Avenue, is New York City's slice of heartland Americana. Hooters. Famous for its chicken wings, and its legs and breasts of another species.

Although easy to miss from the street, it does have a little sign out front with a small marquee- the kind you might find in front of any restaurant in any town across the country- where you can change the letters to announce specials and such. And usually that's exactly what it does: "Drinks 2 for 1 - 4 to 7pm," or "$2 Pints Tues. & Thurs" and the like.

Yesterday though, it said: "Welcome Foreign Dignitaries!" Which made me think of many things the made me smirk, such as: Are they trying to change their image- We're gonna get some consulates in here! I pictured a bunch of those big black SUVs parked on 56th Street, right under the sign. Then I wondered, wait- does Alabama have a foreign mission to the UN?

In any case, God bless the members of the German delegation who after turning in their expense reports were faced with the question, "Was ist das Hoo-terz??" And soon after relieved of their posts when it was discovered they had gotten blitzed on Bud Light.

Yes I have been to a Hooters, though I haven't been to the one here in the city. But I gotta think that if you really want to go somewhere to ogle women while drinking beer and eating wings- there has got to be at least a hundred better options here in New York. At least. And if you are a female hoping to land a waitress job where you can use your "assets" to get a little extra in the tips depratment- there's gotta be about a hundred plus better places to do that here as well. Which makes Hooters in NYC an anomoly. I assume it's been around for a while, and it will continue to be around. I guess tourists can't live on McDonald's and Olive Garden alone. It's nice they have options. I HEART NY!!

Mick, the canine cat...

Mention has been made in earlier posts on this blog about Mickey Mantle (the cat, not the ballplayer). Spend a little while with him and you'll be convinced, as my wife and I are, that he is more canine than feline. He scratches and pulls up the wood floors, he greets you at the front door when you walk in, he constantly follows you around with the hopes of being fed, he'll eat just about anything you drop on the floor, he does not always land on his feet, and he absolutely obliterates his toys.

Designers of cat toys don't take into account canine tendencies in cats when designing and constructing their toys. Take for instance the popular cat toy, "Da' Bird." It's a plastic stick with a cord attached to it, at the bottom of which is a bunch of feathers. Meant to be chased, batted at, stalked. And he does do all that- he loves the thing. But it's not meant for what Mick also loves to do: Chew and chew on the cord until the toy is two things- a stick with a cord, and a little cord with a bunch of feathers. Attempts to reattach the bird by tying the severed cord back together are thwarted when he just chews through it again. We are on our third bird in just over a year. This last one lasted about two weeks.

Mick does have his feline traits, but he is a dog at heart for sure. One of these days, we'll remember that when purchasing him a new toy.