To borrow from a sports analogy- raising a child is not a sprint, it's a marathon. But it's not a race. And it is not a competition. Right? Well then why do we feel we need to win so badly?
My wife and I have been blessed with the fact that we have close friends who have had babies around the same time as us. It has given us a wealth of support, and to see their children grow up along side our little girl so far as made it an even more rewarding experience.
The draw back of course is the inevitable comparisons of your child against theirs, in regards to milestones and development and such. A new tooth is reason to celebrate, except when your child has been teething for two months or so without any teeth to show for it. Walking is incredible, but when your child isn't even crawling yet- despite your belief that she could if only she'd... blahblahblah... sigh. You get the point.
My wife and I know that our little lady is a healthy and happy baby. She is learning and growing everyday, and isn't behind in any sort of developmental way. So why isn't it good enough? Why do we internalize her unique path to her milestones as some sort of failure as parents on our part? It's just not logical, or productive. We always remind each other of this. That K.'s on her own journey, and that she's progressing very well, that we're not horrible parents and no, our child is not suffering due to our lack of parental ability and skill.
It certainly doesn't cloud our happiness for our friends' children in the least- we truly want them to excel and grow as they should. It's amazing to see. So why can't it be, "Wow! That's great!" rather than "Wow! That's great! Why can't/isn't our baby...?"
I guess this is only the beginning in the marathon of wanting nothing but the best for and out of your child. I can only hope that we become more reasonable as K. gets older and more aware. I wouldn't change a single thing in her life so far, and I would hate for her to ever see or feel disappointment from us in this regard. Because it's not disappointment in her. It's nothing more than excitement of what's to come, coupled of course with fear- of our own failure- that her development and speed thereof is a direct reflection on what we do day-to-day as parents. We will just continue to remind ourselves that we are all on this journey together, and that we all are learning as we go. I am positive K.'s not beating herself up over any of it, so why should we we?
2 comments:
I think what's scary/exciting about kid raising is that life happens at its pace. we new yorkers are so used to controlling so much. i think. but don't listen to me. i dont even have a pet. but if i did have a kid, i'd feel the exact same way!!!
kerry- that's the hardest thing in all of this: letting go!! i think always saw others with their children and thought about the type of parent i wouldn't be, but you can't know the parent you WILL be until you are in it. that never occurred to me, and so much is indeed out of our control.
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